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Session 6 of 6
Expecting Good Things: Conclusion
A Lesson in Expectations
We close this introductory journey into resiliency with optimism. Optimism is more than just rainbows and unicorns. It's not enough to just hope that things will turn out well for us. This needs to be an expectation. However, we also need to know what it's like when we get it.
Primary Takeaways:
There are 2 main takeaways with optimism:
- Increase your ability to identify good things in daily life
- Increase your ability to feel good things in daily life
Download and Print the Session Five pages of the Workbook.
Download: Session Six and Appendix (PDF)
Optimism
Optimism is being able to accurately describe when good and bad things happen. Additionally, a primary skill to be developed is noticing how we feel when good things are happening to us (such as a compliment).
Complete the activity on the first part of pg. 18 in the Workbook.
After, notice how reviewing this list might affect your mind, body, and emotions.
Explanatory Style
Dr. Martin Seligman coined the phase Explanatory Style as "the manner in which you habitually explain to yourself why events happen." He suggests that this is one of the most profound predictors of depression and learned helplessness (p.15). Thus, a key antidote to each of these two ailments is to shift your Explanatory Style away from pessimism and towards fully embracing optimism.
You'll notice in the chart below that each of these areas are basically inverses of each other based on optimistic or pessimistic thinking.
Review this chart and see where you might fall in each of these categories.
Building Optimism for Yourself
In college, there are immense expectations and pressures, especially when it comes to preparing for your future career. You might have started your academic journey with high hopes and optimism, but as time goes on, you might find yourself facing challenges and feeling the strain. It's essential for college students to build resilience and a positive outlook for themselves.
Consider a typical day you had recently. Amidst the usual hustle and bustle, take a moment to reflect on a few simple, yet delightful, experiences that brought a smile to your face. These moments may seem ordinary, but they play a significant role in boosting your overall well-being and maintaining optimism.
As you navigate through the ups and downs of college life, remember that finding joy in small things is a vital aspect of building your resilience. Embracing moments of happiness can help you stay motivated and focused on your academic journey, making it a fundamental cornerstone in developing your ability to overcome challenges and remain optimistic along the way.
Complete pg. 19 in the Workbook.
3 Good Things
1. Find a dry-erase marker to use to write on the bathroom mirror for the next 7 days. If this isn’t possible, or feels too vulnerable given your living situation, feel free to get a journal, notebook, or paper to keep near your bed and adjust the next steps accordingly.
2. At the end of your day, before starting your bedtime routine, write “3 Good Things” with the numbers 1-3 below.
3. Then imagine three things from your day or life that you’re grateful for. Often, we quickly turn to areas like family, friends, or health, but this exercise is more effective the more specific you can be. For example, instead of just writing “friends”, you could be more specific, such as “talking with my friends at dinner”. The more personal these are to us, the greater the feelings it elicits.
4. Once you’ve completed all three things, continue with your evening routine, keeping these 3 Good Things in mind. This better primes you for a good night's sleep and reduces your focus on things that cause worry.
TIP: try not to engage in technology after this exercise as it can limit the focus on good things you just completed.
5. Upon waking, review the 3 Good Things from the previous day. This reminds you that there were at least 3 good things from the day before. After getting ready for the day, erase the 3 Good Things from the previous day, leaving the header “3 Good Things” and the numbers 1-3. Leaving this written increases the likelihood you’ll remember to complete the exercise each day.
Feeling Good Things
While the 3 Good Things exercise primes the brain to expect and search out good things throughout each day, we also require the ability to take in these good feelings. This may seem obvious, but it's far from that. A primary reason many need more than they truly need in life is the inability to feel goodness fully. This next exercise will help demonstrate how to achieve this.
Challenge:
Choose a sensory experience to be able to separately move through the 3 parts of self-awareness:
- Noticing your physical self
- Notice your thinking self
- Notice your emotional self
Spend 1-2 minutes in each of these parts of your self, seeing how well you can explore this experience.
A few examples of a sensory experience to savor might be:
- Enjoying a small amount of chocolate or ice cream. Mints work well too.
- Quietly watching the sun as it sets.
- Listening to one of your favorite songs in stillness.
Which of the three 'selves' feels better than the others in this moment?
Spend an extra 1-2 minutes in this part of awareness to prime the ability to notice this more readily.
Building Optimism with Others
During your college journey, you'll encounter a diverse range of people and situations. Building positive interactions with others may require a conscious effort, similar to how healthcare professionals create optimism with their patients. While college isn't about healthcare, the principles of starting and ending each encounter with positivity can still apply in your daily interactions.
When you initiate conversations with others on campus, starting with something positive can help shift their mindset away from any worries they might have been carrying. Some individuals unconsciously believe that worrying might lead to better outcomes, but research tells us the opposite is true.
Here are some ideas on how to cultivate optimism and positivity when engaging with others:
- Compliment the environment: Notice something nice in your surroundings, such as appreciating the beauty of flowers someone brought, a captivating picture on the wall, or the warmth of the sun outside.
- Compliment the person: Acknowledge positive changes or aspects about the person you're talking to, like their new haircut or a genuine smile.
- Encourage them to share positive experiences: Invite them to share a couple of good things that have happened recently or what they're looking forward to in the near future.
- Reinforce the positives: When they share their positive experiences, reflect back only the good aspects they mentioned, thus reinforcing those positive moments.
- End on a positive note: When it's time to say goodbye, inquire about something they are looking forward to in the future. Remember to ask about it in your future interactions, as it shows that you genuinely care about their well-being.
Which one of these options have you found success with previously? Or...
Which one of these options are you most comfortable trying in future interactions with others?
Feel free to get creative and adapt these concepts to match your college environment and the specific individuals you encounter. Building a positive atmosphere, and being known as an optimist, can make a significant difference in your college experience.
3 Good Things 2.0
After you've developed a nice rhythm of taking time at the end of your day to focus on 3 Good Things, you can take it to the next level. When you are ready, proceed as usual in writing out your 3 Good Things. However, afterward, bring a high level of self-awareness to this exercise. As you look at your daily 3 Good Things one at a time:
- Notice this in your physical self
- Notice this in your thinking self
- Notice this in your emotional self
We too often merely sit with the mental part of our experiences, but it's when we expand this to also include our physical and emotional experience that resiliency is integrated.
Find the part of your self where awareness is easier to notice the good. Spend some time with this awareness at the end of your day.
Take a few minutes now to review the 3 Good Things you noted earlier in this section and see if you are better able to notice how each one shows up in your physical, thinking, and emotional selves.
Take a deeper dive
Written by one of the foremost experts on resiliency, Learned Optimism thoroughly explains the importance and applicability of harnessing optimism to change our thinking, relationships, and success in a work environment.
Download: Workbook for Building Resilience During the College Experience (PDF)
Download: Workbook for Building Resilience During the College Experience (PDF)